Growing Up is Hard to Do
by BackForward
Summary: Richie from kindergarten until age 13, finding friends, finding himself, and finding that some people may not like it and Eddie from late middle school to early high school not knowing what to do. Onesided (maybe) Reddie Richie/Henry'sCousin Eddie/OC.
1. Richie

"-and don't make any stupid jokes either Richie," Meredith Tozier commanded as she walked her son into his classroom. It was Richie's first day of kindergarten which meant it was his first day to represent the Tozier family, at least that was what his parents had been saying to him for weeks now.

"Who's this?"

Richie looked at the woman who had asked him that, she looked about his mom's age, maybe a little older, he looked at his mom who was looking back at him expectantly before turning his gaze back to the woman. "Richie Tozier, today is my first of kindergarten, my brother told me I'll get to play with a cool truck."

The woman laughed. "Well, you're brother's right. You'll have plenty of chances to play with all the toys here Richie. I'm your teacher, Mrs. Rhodes."

"Hi." Richie looked around the room seeing kids in every direction, most of them were beside a toy chest that he was pretty sure had trucks in it. He wasn't sure if he had ever actually seen this many kids at once at before. "Can I go play with a truck now?"

"Sure."

With that Richie was off in the direction of the toy chest and immediately dipped his hand into it trying to feel for a truck. "Yes!" Richie pulled out two small trucks and sat on the carpet, rolling the trucks back and forth until one of them accidentally collided with someone's hand.

"Ow!"

Richie's eyes widened, "Sorry, I didn't mean to."

The boy rubbed his hand before nodding his head. "I-i-it's fi-fi-fine."

"Why are you talking like that?" Richie asked tilting his head as he stared down the boy in front of him.

"My-my mom says I-I-I tal-talk like th-this b-b-b-because I got hi-hit by a-a-a ca-car." The boy explained his face turning slightly red.

"That sucks." Richie shrugged before moving the truck closer to him. "I'm Richie."

"Bill."

"You wanna play trucks? I won't run you over again." Richie offered putting one of the trucks near Bill so he could reach it.

"S-Sure."

* * *

Since that day Bill and Richie had been best friends, thick as thieves. Richie's dad's assistant Marylin would take them to the park, Bill would spend the night at Richie's house-Richie didn't like going to Bill's because Bill's mom was about to have and his mom said that made her act funny, and they even got one of Richie's sisters to take them put for ice cream a few times. Now it had been over a year, over a year of friendship, playing with trucks, and ice cream eating, and Bill had decided he wanted another friend, Eddie Kaspbrak. Eddie was stupid, Eddie was always caring around this stupid thing that apparently helped him breathe, and as much as he _hated _giving any sort of compliment to Eddie, he was the prettiest boy-no, prettiest person, he had ever seen in his entire life.

"My dad said we could go and play at my house afterschool." Richie stated as he, Eddie, and Bill sat on the playground of Derry Elementary School, that was another thing he hated about Eddie, he refused to actually go on the playground because he said there were too many germs.

"That sou-sounds fu-fun, right Ed-Ed-Eddie?" Bill asked as he turned in the direction of his newest smallest friend.

"My mom doesn't like me going places where she doesn't know the people. She doesn't want me to get kidnapped."

"My parents aren't gonna kidnap you dickwad." Dickwad was Richie's new favorite word, he had heard his Dad call someone it, his Mom told him not to say it, so now he loved it.

Eddie glared at Richie. He had been called it by Richie enough times to know it was an insult. "I wanna be safe dickwad."

"Don't use my insults Eds." Richie snapped at him, dickwad was his word, he called it.

"Don't call me Eds dickwad." Eddie stated with his glare increasing and his arms crossed against his chest.

"Eds, Eds, Eds, Eds, Eds, Eds." Richie repeated in a British voice that he heard one of his dad's friends use.

"Dickwad!"

"Eds!"

"Dickwad!"

"Gu-guys!" Bill shouted causing the boys to break from their fighting and look at him. "St-Stop it!"

Richie and Eddie exchanged a look before Richie muttered, "Eds."

* * *

That conversation was first grade summed up in a nutshell, Bill trying to keep the peace between Richie and Eddie. It was around the middle of the year when they both realized that they had somehow became friends, and didn't actually hate each other, but they still liked arguing even now that they had known each other for the entire school year and the summer. Richie liked how fast Eddie got mad, how fast Eddie talked, and how Eddie was afraid of anything with germs. He really liked Eddie and secretly considered him his best friend; he'd never tell Bill though. He knew Eddie was his best friend because he was always really happy to see him, and it was a different kind of happy then what he felt when he saw Bill.

"Richie get out!" Richie's sister Monica yelled the second Richie opened her door. He tweaked his head and looked at his sister, who looked embarrassed, and his sister's friend Jada who was holding a magazine in her hands and looking at him annoyingly.

"What are you guys doing?"

"We're planning my wedding to Matt Dillon." Monica replied with a condescending voice, "Now get out so we can get back to it!"

"That's getting married right?" Richie asked. "Why do you wanna marry Matt Dillon?"

"Because he's dreamy." Both girls said in unison before Monica sighed, "You know he's cute and we like him, a lot, you like someone a lot don't you?"

Richie thought for a minute, he liked Eddie more than anyone else and he guessed Eddie was cute. "Like Eddie?"

"No not like Eddie!" Monica shouted before exchanging an annoyed glance with Jada. "We're girls so we like boys, you're a boy so you have to like girls Richie. Not Eddie, girls."

"Oh." Richie thought of anyone else who he might think of as cute. There were some pretty girls he knew, but none of them were prettier than Eddie. "Why?"

"Because if you like boys then mean guys will beat you up, you'll get sick, and then you'll go to Hell." Monica told him with Jada nodding in agreement.

Richie's eyes widened; he didn't want any of those to happen to him. He searched his mind for any girl in his class, anyone who he could say was pretty so he wouldn't get in trouble. "Beverly Marsh is cute."

The two girls giggled as Richie left the room, forgetting that he was supposed to tell Jada that her mom was on her way to come get her. He went into his room and locked the door behind him. He wasn't gonna get beat up, he wasn't gonna get sick, and he wasn't gonna go to Hell. So he wasn't gonna like Eddie either.

* * *

Richie was nine now, so he knew that he couldn't like-like Eddie or any boy for that matter. Which was why he had to make it perfectly clear to everyone that he liked girls-which he did, kinda.

"You get to kiss Bev in the school play!" Richie patted Bill's back in the school hallway before smirking. "I got to kiss girls without there being a play, which was better, but I'm still proud of you Big Bill!"

"I-i-it's no big-big deal Ri-Richie." Bill stated even though his face was burning red and he was clearly embarrassed.

"It's your first kiss Bill." Eddie pointed out. "You need to make sure she doesn't have any diseases; my mom says that you can die if a girl kisses you."

"I'm not dead." Richie puckered his lips before laughing. "Eds."

"Don't call me Eds." Eddie replied instinctively. "And that doesn't mean that Bill won't die. This is why I'm not allowed to kiss anyone, and I don't even want to."

Richie laughed. "You kiss your mom."

Eddie opened his mouth to protest before closing it quickly. "That doesn't count."

"Did it count when I kissed her?" Richie asked smirking as Eddie's face turned angry.

"You did not kiss my mom!" Eddie shook his head. "My mom would never kiss you!"

"Yes I did." Richie argued trying to not be happy that Eddie was mad. "It was on the lips and everything."

"Richie I swear this is not funny!" Eddie stuck his hand up to his face and Richie let out a hint of a smile.

"No, but it's true." With that Richie walked off, liking making Eddie mad was not the same thing as liking Eddie. He didn't like Eddie.

* * *

He liked Eddie. Twelve year old Richie sighed as he tried to think of any girl that made him feel like Eddie did. Beverly didn't. Gretta didn't. Nobody did. He knew he couldn't tell anyone, could he? Monica had made a huge deal out of it a few years ago, his dad had complained about some "fairies" that he met when he went to New York, and his brother James was upset his dorm room was on the same floor as a "fag." Maybe he could tell his mom, hell she would probably be too drunk to even remember if she got mad, or he could tell his sister Julia, but for all he knew she could react like Monica had. And especially, he knew he couldn't tell Eddie. Eddie was his best friend and he was never going to lose him.

"Whatcha thinking about Richie?" Eddie asked as he entered Richie's room. They had been spending a ton of time together without Bill because Bill had been taking speech therapy lessons all summer to try and get rid of his stutter.

"Your mom. You think she'd like me to fuck her senseless again?" Richie asked laying back on his bed as he did so.

Eddie joined him on his bed and rolled his eyes. "That's so not funny Richie."

"That's not what she said last night." Richie continued causing Eddie to push him. That meant war, Richie pushed Eddie and before long they were wrestling on the bed. Taking turns being on top before the other one countered before they both dropped back on the bed.

Eddie turned to Richie, his face suddenly serious. "Richie?"

"Yeah?" Richie asked trying to ignore his heart beating out of his chest. Was it going to happen? Was Eddie actually about to say he liked him, or that he felt the same way?

"When was the last time you washed these sheets?"

Richie forced himself to laugh, knowing that would be a lot easier than explaining he was now upset because Eddie didn't like him. "The last time your mom came over."

* * *

It was the summer after he had finally admitted he liked Eddie. He had spent most of his time in the arcade playing Space Invaders and rationalizing his feelings. It wasn't his fault that Eddie was literally the best person he could think of, that Eddie's lips were perfect, or that he made the cutest faces when he got mad. But the good news was, the only boy he had met that he wanted to kiss was Eddie, so other than him he was totally straight. Even though he hadn't ever actually met a girl who he wanted to kiss either, but that was probably because he hadn't met one hot enough yet.

"Hey."

Richie looked up from Space Invaders to see an extremely attractive boy looking down at him and smiling. "H-hi,"

"Do you mind if I play?" The boy asked not letting his smile down for a second. "I'm Zach by the way."

"Richie," Richie looked down for a moment. "And go ahead." Richie stared at Zach as he put a quarter into the machine and began playing alongside Richie.

"You're pretty good at this." Zach stated with no charm lost from his voice. Zach put one hand on Richie's shoulder and began tapping his fingers on it. "You know I'm only here for the summer visiting my uncle and cousin. I thought it would be nice to meet some new people, make some new," Zach stopped and smirked before licking his lips, "friends."

Richie cleared his throat. Was Zach? He couldn't be, could he? "Found any?"

"I think so," Zach groaned when he died in the game. "That sucks, hey is there anywhere else we could go maybe? Alone?"

Richie nodded his head, "A couple places." Richie let Zach follow him out of the arcade as his heart began to beat out of his chest. It was on a coincidence. Zach didn't like the arcade so he wanted to go somewhere else, alone. That had to be it. Richie debated that in his head until they reached a tree near the edge of town.

"This place looks good." Zach leaned up against the tree before sitting down and patting the ground next to him. "Afraid of a little dirt?"

"N-no!" Richie wanted to slap himself for sounding like Bill but instead simply sat next to Zach on the grass. "Where are you from anyway?"

"Arkansas." Zach replied with a small shrug, he looked at Richie's hand and gently placed his hand into Richie's, before looking back at Richie's face like he was afraid of what Richie would do next.

Richie glanced down at his hand and smiled at Zach. He was now pretty confident that Zach might like him, which was good but because he was pretty sure that if he liked another boy who liked girls it would drive him crazy. "That's pretty far."

"Yeah." Zach replied once again smiling. Zach looked down nervously. "I-I've never done anything with a boy before."

"You mean talk?" Richie asked nonchalantly.

"No-I mean this-I wanna try-I mean do you wanna try?" Zach asked, his charms melting away and being replaced with nervousness, fear even.

"Try what?" Richie asked even though he knew what Zach meant-or at least he hoped he knew.

Zach sighed before leaning in and kissing Richie quickly. "That. I've never done that and I thought you were cute and-"

Richie cut him off by kissing him. He wasn't sure if he had ever wanted to do anything more than kiss Zach at that moment. Sure he had wanted to kiss Eddie, a lot actually, but Zach liked him and Eddie never would.

* * *

The whole summer was like that, Richie and Zach playing games in the arcade before sneaking off to makeout near the edge of town. It had been going pretty well but he knew Zach was gonna have to leave soon and go back to Arkansas. That day was no different, they were in the arcade and then, everything changed.

The door to the arcade opened and before Richie had even had a chance to turn around and see Henry Bowers and his friends, Zach had jumped away from him.

"What's going on here?" Henry asked looking directly at Zach as he and his friends walked into the arcade.

"You assholes didn't tell me your town was full of little fairies."

"Richie fucking Tozier? Were you trying to bone my little cousin? Get the fuck out of here faggot!"

Richie looked around the arcade before running out. Tears came into his eyes and he wasn't gonna let them fall out. This was why nobody needed to know about him. He didn't want to get called out or to feel the way he was feeling. Not only did Henry think he was gay now, but Zach was the reason why. He made his way to the quarry wondering how the fuck he could have been so stupid. To trust someone he barely knew with the secret he had been keeping for years.

"What happened to you Richie?"

Eddie Kaspbrak was the last person-other than Zach or Henry Bowers-that Richie wanted to see. He put his face in his knees, there was no way that he wanted Eddie to see him crying. "Go away."

Eddie looked down at the ground, probably inspecting the ground to make sure there weren't too many germs, before sitting down next to him. "C'mon Richie. It's me."

"I fucking hate this town." Richie stated hating himself for his voice betraying him and exposing to Eddie that he had been crying. "I can't wait to leave."

"Me too." Eddie replied while he wrapped his arms around his knees. "Only a few more years and all this shit will be over."

_For you maybe_, Richie bit his tongue to stop himself from saying that. "Yep."

"So have you really been playing Space Invaders all summer?"

Richie laughed, "Pretty much."

Eddie stayed with him until dark, talking about pointless shit, complaining that school was about to start back up, loogie contests, and distracting him from Zach and Henry.

"I gotta go, my mom's gonna call the police if I don't show up soon." Eddie stood up and put a hand on Richie's shoulder. "Meet me here tomorrow and I'll show you what a real loogie looks like."

"You wish Eds."

"Don't call me Eds." But they both knew he was still gonna call him Eds. Eddie rode away on his bike and Richie sat there silently. Wondering what the hell he was gonna do now.

"Richie?"

Richie turned and shook his head when he saw Zach standing in front of him now. "Leave me alone."

"I'm sorry okay, if my cousin found out-"

"He wasn't gonna find out!" Richie yelled. He stood up so he was at eye level with Zach. "He could've thought we were playing Space Invaders!"

"I couldn't risk it Richie." Zach replied before looking down. "I'm sorry. Look I'm leaving in a few days, please don't let it end like this."

Richie crossed his arms and didn't resist when Zach kissed him. He was still pissed as hell at what Zach had done. But, if Zach was only gonna be there a few more days anyway then maybe he should put it aside until then…

The next morning Richie woke up with a smile on his face. He wasn't going to go into detail about what he and Zach had done the night before, but it wasn't pg, or pg-13 for that matter. He grabbed his pocket knife and went to the kissing bridge where he was meeting Zach.

"What are you doing?" Zach asked looking around before giving Richie a quick peck on the lips.

"Nothing, go to the arcade and I'll catch up with you, okay?" Richie asked, Zach put up his hands and began walking to the arcade.

Richie looked around his shoulder, making sure nobody would see what he was about to do. He was gonna carve their names into the kissing bridge.

"Richie!" Zach called.

"Coming!" Richie looked at his handy work before slipping his knife into his pocket. It was just like it should be.

R+E


	2. Eddie

**Warning there is language that some may consider offensive.**

"I gotta go, my mom's gonna call the police if I don't show up soon." Eddie stood up. He was still worried about Richie and he wasn't sure if he should leave, mom calling cops or not. He put a hand on Richie's shoulder. "Meet me here tomorrow and I'll show you what a real loogie looks like."

"You wish Eds."

"Don't call me Eds." Eddie replied instinctively before getting on his bike. He was about half a mile away from where he left Richie before he realized he had had dropped in inhaler somewhere. He sighed before turning back, Richie probably had it and was probably gonna make him jump through hoops to get it back. He parked his bike and its previous spot before stopping, Richie wasn't alone.

"_He wasn't gonna find out!" Richie yelled. He stood up so he was at eye level with the boy in front of him. "He could've thought we were playing Space Invaders!"_

"_I couldn't risk it Richie." The boy replied before looking down. "I'm sorry. Look I'm leaving in a few days, please don't let it end like this."_

Eddie tilted his head wondering what the hell Richie and this guy-which who the hell was this guy and why was he standing so close to Richie-were talking about, but his eyes widened once he saw the boy kiss Richie. What the fucking hell? Richie 'I love girls' Tozier was at the quarry making out with some random boy? Eddie crossed his arms glaring at them before shaking his head. He turned around forgetting about his inhaler and got back on his bike. There were so many things he could say to Richie about this. _How long have you liked dick_? _Saw you kissing some idiot_. Eddie rolled his eyes just thinking about the guy. He hadn't saw him all too well, but from what he saw that guy was nowhere near good enough for Richie. The only positive to come from this, other than the obvious mocking, was that Richie would never be able to call him Eds again! Eddie snickered to himself before stopping entirely. There had to be a reason Richie didn't tell him. He didn't care if Richie liked dick or pussy, he was his best friend. Suddenly, while he was riding his mind drifted back to first grade, a few months after he had met Richie...

_Eddie approached Richie who was standing near a post on the playground, Bill was out sick and unfortunately that meant he was stuck alone with Richie Tozier. Which wouldn't be so bad if Richie didn't hate his guts for whatever reason. "Hey Richie."_

_"Eds." Eddie felt a small amount of anger enter his chest. "Bill's not here so you and I don't have to play together."_

_He wasn't sure why that made him so upset, but it did. "Why don't you like me?"_

_Richie turned and looked at Eddie. His arms were crossed and he looked kinda annoyed. "You're annoying."_

_"I'm annoying?" Eddie laughed. Richie Tozier was calling him annoying. "I'm not the one who licks off his plate in the cafeteria!"_

_"What?" Richie asked now seeming confused._

_"Germs! Richie it's annoying to see you spread germs!" Eddie yelled._

_"Well it's annoying that your mom always talks for like five minutes before she let's you go anywhere. Why don't you just ask your dad instead of being a little mamma's boy."_

_Eddie looked down. Tears were already coming into his eyes as he thought about his dad. It had been nearly three years since he died. He hardly remembered him anymore. "He died." Eddie felt tears begin to rush down his face and all of sudden Richie's arms were around him. _

_"It's okay Eds. I'm sorry. I won't mention him anymore."_

Eddie froze when the memory came into his head. Was he really thinking about how to make Richie feel bad about himself? Not his normal kind of bad, but actually bad? He felt shame run through his body. He knew what he had to do. He wasn't gonna say a word.

* * *

Eddie watched Richie as he was talking to Bill at a lunch table. School had been back for three weeks now and he hadn't said one word to Richie about what he had seen. Not even when he heard Richie talking about banging a girl over the summer-he wouldn't have believed him anyway but knowing that he was with some stupid guy all summer made it even less believable.

"Watcha staring at Eds?"

Eddie jumped before approaching the table. He needed a cover. Quickly. His eyes went down to Richie's tray of food. "Do you know how many germs there are in this cafeteria. You know lunch lady Mary doesn't wash her hands, right?"

Richie laughed before popping a fry into his mouth. "Tastes good."

"That's disgusting." Eddie shivered. Wait a minute…what if the boy at the quarry didn't think cafeteria food was disgusting? What if the boy at the quarry was nicer to Richie? And how could a guy like that even get Richie anyway? Sure, from what he saw of him he may have been what a ton of people their age would find attractive-not Eddie of course, the only boy he liked was Richie-no wait he didn't like boys. He only liked girls, not Richie. Girls.

* * *

Eddie didn't really like parties. That was one of the first things he had discovered in high school. Bill liked them alright, of course that's because he was always with Bev, a new friend they had made the summer before eighth grade who had quickly became Bill's girlfriend, making out in a corner. Richie loved them because he loved getting drunk with Stan-Stan who Richie had only known for five years. He never wanted to get drunk with Eddie for whatever reason who he had known for much longer. But he wasn't jealous. Richie and Stan were just friends, hell Stan was his friend. Which was why it was totally normal for the two boys to get drunk together. A lot of times Eddie would find himself alone watching everyone else have fun. He began looking around the room for Richie to tell him bye but froze when he opened a door and saw Richie kissing Stan.

"Fuck." Eddie stated almost silently. He shut the door so nobody would ever know he was there and began walking out of the party.

"Wait Eddie!"

Eddie turned almost completely disgusted that some random person had grabbed his hand and not at all because he saw Richie kissing someone else-because why would he be disgusted by Richie kissing someone? "What?"

"I was hoping maybe we could talk or something?" It was Jill Mason. She was pretty for the most part and Eddie felt his heart beat faster when he realized she hadn't let go of his hand. She liked him…she was pretty and he was definitely attracted to her. He glanced back at the door he had just left before looking back at Jill.

"Sure."

Eddie had been dating Jill for three months when he saw Stan with a girl-not Richie-a girl at a party. He had decided that he would wait until Monday to see what the hell was going on.

"I saw you talking to Rebecca at the party Friday night." Eddie said as he sat across from Stan at a table. He was trying to not sound mad, but he was pretty sure he was failing.

"Yeah she wanted to know if I'd seen her boyfriend." Stan replied causing Eddie's heart to drop. So Stan hadn't been cheating on Richie? And for whatever reason he was still mad.

"I know Stan." Eddie stated not knowing why he was so angry at his friend. He should be happy that two of his friends found love together, probably. But he was too mad to be happy for them.

"You know what?" Stan asked not looking up from his comic book. Eddie slammed the comic book against the table and Stan looked up. "What the hell?"

"I know about you and Richie."

"What about me and Richie?" Stan asked seeming confused. That mother fucker was a liar if Eddie had ever seen one.

"That you're together! You're boyfriends!"

"_What?_" Stan asked confusion evident throughout his face. "Who the hell told you that bullshit?"

"I saw you two kissing at a party a few months ago."

"You mean in truth or dare?" Stan asked.

Eddie froze. Truth or dare? "Oh."

"Why do you even care Eddie?" Stan asked before smirking. "Wait a second. You like Richie!"

"No I don't." Eddie didn't even believe that sentence and he was the one trying to convince himself. "I have a girlfriend."

"Just tell him. The asshole's been in love with you for years." Stan stated now grabbing his comic book and raising it back up, completely ignoring Eddie's remark about Jill.

"No he hasn't." Eddie argued, Richie may like guys, or one guy, or whatever he liked, but not him. Even if Richie _did _like him, which he didn't, he wasn't gay. He had crushed on tons of girls throughout the years. He was dating a girl. So his not crush on Richie was only happening because he had found out Richie liked guys, that was it. "And it doesn't matter if he has, Richie may be a fag but that shit it disgusting, that's how you get Aids."

"You know when you're insulting someone you may as well say it to their face Eds."

Eddie froze. _No _oh god no. Richie didn't overhear that. "I didn't mean it." Eddie turned quickly and wanted to punch himself once he saw the look on Richie's face.

"You did and I agree with you." Richie replied calmly, but Eddie knew what he was doing. He knew Richie too well to fall for that shit. "I mean, fags are disgusting wastes of life."

"Richie he never said that." Stan had stood up. For all of Stan's nonchalance, Eddie knew that Stan didn't give a fuck about sexuality. He also knew Stan was probably the only person who could calm Richie down.

"Bullshit." Richie rolled his eyes, either so angry he was about to cry or so sad that he was becoming angry. "What makes you think I'm a queer anyway Eddie?"

Hearing his name come out of Richie's mouth stung. He was Eds, he was Eddie Spaghetti, he wasn't Eddie. Not to Richie anyway. He couldn't help it. It came out of his mouth before he could stop it. "I saw you."

"What?"

"At the quarry, I came back and I saw you." Eddie confessed. He watched Richie's face fall and wanted to reach out to him, but he knew it wouldn't do any good. Eddie watched Richie's face go from confusion to realization to terror in a matter of seconds. He could understand that, it had been over a year since that happened. But there was no questioning when Richie realized exactly what he was talking about

"You were watching me?" Richie asked with obvious discomfort in his voice. "Why the hell didn't you say you were there?"

"Because I didn't want to interrupt anything!" Eddie defended himself quickly. "I just saw you talking and all of a sudden your-" it was at that second that Eddie realized that he had probably just outed Richie to Stan. "You know."

"You watched us have sex?"

"Oh god no!" Eddie couldn't hide the disgust on his face. Richie had actually had sex when he was thirteen? And it wasn't with hi-nope he wasn't gonna finish that thought. But he really didn't want to sound like a creep. And if Richie thought he had actually watched him have sex then that would've been a much bigger problem.

"Top or bottom?"

"Shut up Stan." Eddie commanded before looking back at Richie. "I saw you guys kiss and then I walked away, I swear."

Richie bit his lip. He looked back and forth from Eddie to Stan before his eyes landed on the ground. "I'm gonna go."

"Richie!" Eddie grabbed his hand only for Richie to snatch it back.

"Let go of me Eds, I wouldn't want you to catch Aids." Richie told him in a tone Eddie had never heard before.

"Ric-"

"Beep beep Eddie."

* * *

It had been two days since his fight with Richie and Eddie still felt like absolute shit. Richie hadn't talked to him and he wasn't sure what the worst part of that actually was. That Richie wasn't talking to him, or Richie actually thought Eddie had believed what he said. Eddie threw his head into his pillow, of course his door was locked so his mom wouldn't come in and think he was trying to suffocate himself, and let out a small yell. He didn't know why he had said that, he was just confused. Richie made him confused. It wasn't like that with any other guy, it was just like that with Richie, which made everything more confusing. He didn't think he was gay. He liked girls for the most part and the only boy he had ever liked, was Richie. Yep He was admitting it now. He had a stupid crush on Richie Tozier and he had ruined whatever chance he may have had-which was slim to begin with-by insulting him. He lifted his head up. Even if he could never be with Richie, he needed him. With that thought in his head Eddie had gotten out of bed, snuck past his mom, and went out the door. He had to make things right with Richie and he had to do it now. It felt like an eternity to bike all the way to the Tozier's house, get past Richie's mother, and finally get into his room.

"What are you doing here?" Richie asked the second he saw Eddie enter his room. He was lying on his bed and throwing a ball at his wall and looked pissed out of his mind.

"I wanted to come here and apologize. I didn't mean any of that shit I said the other day. I freaked out for a minute and nothing I said was true Richie." Eddie stated, the words flying out his mouth so fast he wasn't even sure if Richie would even understand what he was saying. Not a noise was made until Richie's ball hit the wall and Richie caught it back in his hands.

"Okay."

Eddie tilted his head wanting to question Richie more but knowing it wasn't a good idea. Instead he sat next to him silently for a couple of hours watching Richie bounce the ball. He wanted things to go back to normal but he wasn't sure if they ever would. It was dark before he left and he was glad his mom still thought he was in his room, or else the police would have been called by then. After biking for a few minutes he stopped and leaned against the kissing bridge. Sometimes he liked to stare at the initials and wonder if anyone would ever carve his in it. Jill might one day, but he wasn't sure he wanted to wait for it. He fiddled around in his pocket until he reached a pocket knife that his mom would die if she knew he had and began carving his initials into the bridge. He thought back to the night he had first kissed Jill. It was a couple nights after the party where he had seen Stan and Richie's truth or dare kiss. It was nice enough. She was nice enough. Eddie glanced back at the bridge before getting on his bike and riding home.


End file.
